My sister is giving herself a life overhaul, so inevitably, I seem to get caught up in her shenanigans. She likes to test stuff on me. This week it happens to be a 3-day Alkalising Cleanse. This, I have never heard of before, but as I have learned through many years of experience, it’s always just easier to do what she tells me to from the start… objecting only prolongs the final outcome.
I’m usually one who rolls their eyes at the mention of a detox, quinoa or any other fancy schmancy health related matters, because I know I don’t follow the rules. I eat white bread, don’t exercise, use chardonnay nightly to cope with my 3 kids, and I’m ashamed to say, I also partake in the occasional ciggie when I need to go that extra mile to “take the edge off”.
So when the conversation turns to what you should be doing to look after yourself, I usually find the nearest blowfly or dust particle to focus on instead. Head in the sand – it’s worked for me to this point.
But now, the sister is forcing me into 3 days of purity. THREE DAYS – that’s doable right? I think I’m almost, pretty much 100% confident I can do it.
I’ll let you look up the nitty gritty details of an Alkaline diet and make your mind up for yourself – I’m not the one to tell you about the ‘why’. I barely understand it myself. But if you’re interested in the effects of a 3 day cleanse on a mildly toxic mummy, here is the low down.
Note: I’ve included my meals, but keep in mind that I’m in the middle of a renovation and my kitchen consists of a microwave and a bucket, so there are much more interesting options than what you will see in my food diary.
Banished foods = Meat, dairy, bread, sugar, caffeine, processed foods, alcohol.
Day 1 – The Big Ache
Breakfast: Avocado with lemon, Lemon water to drink.
Lunch: Minestrone soup (made by the sister)
Dinner: Baked potato and steamed vegies (from the alkaline list)
Two litres of water (many many trips to the toilet)
Snacks: Almonds, carrot, cucumber.
I pined for my coffee and vegemite toast in the morning. My body pretty much cried out in despair for the rest of the day. My organs pinged and panged, begging for some toxins or acid, and I had NO ENERGY whatsoever.
I nodded off every time I sat down, including at the optometrist and in the car at school pickup.
By the time I got the kids to bed, I could no longer go on. Everything ached. I took what over-the-counter drugs I could find in the house (hoping they were low acid and high alkaline) went to bed and fell into a coma-like sleep.
Why would something supposedly healthy make you feel soooo bad. 3 days now feels like an eternity.
Fair to say, Day 1 sucked.
Day 2 – The Fog
Breakfast: Quinoa and Avocado with lemon juice. Lemon water to drink.
Lunch: Massive bowl of steam vegetables – cauliflower, carrots, zucchini, broccoli with a squeeze of lemon and pepper.
Dinner: More veggies – roasted by my mum – potato, sweet potato, carrot, corn, peas.
Two litres of water (wee, wee, wee, wee all the way home)
Snacks: Almonds, banana, apple.
My organs are still protesting at not being fed the evil substances they need – like caffeine, sugar, booze, etc. Obviously your body notices when you stop giving it the same stuff it’s been fuelled on daily for almost ‘ever’ and it doesn’t like it!!! On top of this, I realise my brain no longer works.
My mind is in a thick fog, and the simplest questions have become mind boggling puzzles. When I went to pick my kids up early from school, the office wanted to know which grades they were in. That really stumped me, I looked blankly at the office lady – ummmmm…. thinking…. thinking…. “Prep and Grade 2!” I said feeling like I’d just given Eddie the answer to the Million Dollar question. “Yes, but which class?” she said, looking at me like – wtf is wrong with you? Oh yeah, there’s specific classes in those grades, with special codes undecipherable to me in this state – dammit, I just wasn’t prepared for this kind of interrogation.
The fog – it had taken over. I was in zombie phase and it wasn’t pretty.
At this point, day 2 was also getting the thumbs down.
Day 3 – The Awakening
Breakfast: Quinoa and Avocado with lemon juice. Lemon water to drink.
Lunch: Salad of spinach, tomato, cucumber, carrot, mushroom, avocado
Dinner: More veggies – Sister’s Minestrone soup with lots of pepper for some zing.
Two litres of water
Snacks: Almonds, banana, carrots.
Something weird happened on day 3, I felt goooood. I actually woke up looking forward to my lemon water, the fancy quinoa and all of the fresh produce lined up for the day.
I felt an undeniable feeling of relief on my ‘insides’. I just felt lighter all over, stronger and in control.
The cloud of doom that had followed me around for the last two days had disappeared and mentally, I was feeling on top of the world. It was like a miracle.
Could this be the new me? Could I have turned my life around in the space of three days? I truly haven’t felt this good in a long time.
Whether it’s my PH levels or not (the whole Acid/Alkaline theory is still something I’m learning about) whatever it is, this cleanse made positive changes for me. And at the end of it all, the cravings for my vices, which were so strong on day one, seem to have mostly disappeared. The only thing I’m looking forward to bringing back into my diet is meat – my inner carnivore is calling.
So here’s my final take on the 3 Day Alkaline Cleanse….
- Energy – The gain outweighs the pain. The final outcome is worth it.
- Digestion – my body loved the whole foods. I’m slightly ignorant of the workings of my digestive system, all I can say is that my insides feel great, freed up, so much better than I’ve felt in a long time.
- $$$ – Saved a heap on bought coffees. Also, my grocery bills were a lot cheaper when I wasn’t buying meat, sauces, processed foods, etc. And then there’s the foregone chardonnay. It all adds up!!
- Cravings – I feel like I’ve broken the cycle of addiction. The cravings for the naughty stuff have gone away.
- Skin – my crinkly, dry, 44-year-old skin feels and looks a million times better. I’m sure the 2 litres of water a day helps. I don’t get such a fright when I look in the mirror each morning.
- Mental health – This truly turned my attitude to life around. I feel much more positive and in control. Prior to the cleanse I was miserable in my ‘renovators delight’ with no kitchen, barely any creature comforts, peeling 60’s wallpaper, shoddy bathroom, the list goes on – worrying about how I was going to keep my three kids and husband clean and fed.
Today, as I sit in my makeshift dining room/bedroom surrounded by demolishers, carpenters, plasterers and power tools and I am so excited about our house. The future seems brighter today. I’m in a happy place.
There you go, if you feel you need a little boost. Set three days aside for an Alkaline cleanse, it might be just what you need to get you on track.
Love Angie’s Guinea Pig.
(aka Lee Hilton)
